8/2

south east asian tour with RUINER in april, japan tour with NO TURNING BACK and DRIVEN FEAR in december.
2010 is the year of travels and escapes.
caught in a bad place, too moody to work on anything.
movies and beer to save me from sleepless nights and mourning.
so much shit to do.
2 essays (1000words) due today, mastering and rendering of abolition’s ep due this wednesday.
recording this week. writing and recording of everything reckless landing has done by april (we’re dead btw).
im fronting a new band now with fad (radiant archery) on guitar, azrie (abolition) on bass and ridwan (shyla) on drums, playing converge songs. so keep a look out cos we’ll be awesome.
money problems, always.

the end

for all of you who turned your back on me
who tried to kill me
i remember all your faces
and i will fucking kill all of you one day

mourn

i want you to see the pain im in
i want you to acknowledge, to recognize your faults on me
i want you to apologise a million times
i want you to make it up to me
but no, to you, im in the wrong
im to blame for what you’ve done
im responsible for your actions
you’re fucking unbelievable

love

when i think of you and what you did to me
i want to put my head through a glass window

riddled

dont tell me i need to be positive
dont tell me i need to try and make things work
when this was all your fault
i can try and pretend that i forgot whatever happened
but every time i see your pretty face
i die a little inside
because we could have been what we now can never be no matter what we do
all because of you

down with me

because we cant break the silence between us
because we cant outweigh the present over the past
well, the present is made of the past
and you fucked up the past

perpetuity

you will never fucking understand how this feels like

pink noise

you had to walk away, so now wallow in your remorse for these memories. your love, it overthrows by your lust, rid of the second chances. if this is what it takes to have your ghost haunt me again, in nightmare, i’ll await. if my absence is what it takes for your heart to bloom, in deficiency, i’ll foresee.
she takes only one glance at the sea, now knowing the time it takes to drown her uncertainty. aware of the cost, the reason for contemplating for bargain is in doubt. we can wait forever, but if time can erase history, it would be so easy to trust this world. i cannot absolve you. time cannot absolve you. words cannot absolve you.
if its the noose, then its the rope he will untie, and in place, the knife will be the source for regret. the weight is getting unbearable, your numb knees are the enemy. keep walking, learn that this road is endless. at least she’ll know what she missed, what she gave up on. wallow in. swallow deep. in the panic of a sunday, he’ll take most of your oblivion, turn it into self-loathe, the damage, for you to witness. all to just be aware of the twin relation of the third person and the first, for she is the last. fly, shadow, fly. leave the body far behind. its the dirt that is impossible to cleanse. its the filth that is forging the stench.
its the quietest of nights that haunt the most, when promises are hesitated to make, but forever sure of to break. but its the past that is haunting. having to live with painful memories and images and lies and deceit, all for the sake of love. one last straw is what it takes. one last tip is all it takes to topple him over the edge. if watching him fall over is all it takes for her to learn, he will then not second guess to take the leap. for if she was willing to place her heart in his arms, he is willing to hold on it tightly till the very end of the depths.
four steps back. three days away. six hours into consumption. i pitied the loveless, i pitied the ones below. but i now know the luck you possess for having no height to fall from. i will overlook the distance the clock has travelled over. i will overlook. the damage, a lesson for you, in this life, there are no empty actions. human reaction. consequences will eat you alive, and this time, it has gnawed a shitload out of me. conviction. dedication. i destroy regrets.

heaven in her arms

love is more than saying ‘iloveyou’ to each other
im sure
i thought what we had was real
but thanks for proving me wrong
thanks for betraying my trust for humanity
thanks for taking every artery connected to the heart and ripping them off
thanks for taking my empty hands and spitting into them
thanks for telling me love does not exist.
i will never be a slut
i will never lose this innocence
i will stumble, i will trip, i may fall flat.
but i will never forget how beautiful you are
and the cuts you’ve left on me.

“true love was just a marketed plot, so guys can hit their lines, and girls can grab their boys” – sweet innocence

rice

once again i start to doubt my importance to you